It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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