So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
