i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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