yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
