What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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