The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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