Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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