3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
