No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
