Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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