I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
