You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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