my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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