So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
