He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
