Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
