last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
