I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
