Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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