remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I am spending my child support on dildos
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
