I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
