you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
