Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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