all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
