Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
