Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
