just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
