happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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