What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize