Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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