that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
