When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dignity is for republicans.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
