Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Be still, my beating vagina.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
