She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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