You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
