I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
