His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize