In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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