I think I am morally bankrupt
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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