We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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