U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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