Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize