I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
