I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
