The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just gift wrapped bread.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
