i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
