Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
