I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
