Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
