Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
