Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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