I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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