I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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