my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
only if we run a train.
done.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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