i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
