Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I AM VODKA MAN
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
