i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize