I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
