I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
