I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
