Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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