I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize