I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
