Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
